Background: Author Tracy McMillan wrote this book as a follow up to her popular, yet controversial article by the same title that appeared on the Huffington Post last year (click here for the original article). Despite the praise and criticism the article received, one thing was for certain that many people were interested in what she had to say; thus, she detailed her original six reasons and added four additional reasons to explain the reason why you may not be married yet.
According to McMillan, this book “isn’t so much about getting a husband as it is about shifting your perspective on being a wife.”
Nothing brings out more animosity in women than hearing why they’re single (okay, maybe weight). Many women will bemoan the fact that they do everything right, yet still find themselves kissing frog and after frog with the elusive Prince Charming nowhere in sight. I understand this sentiment; hell, I used to think just like this. But after some deep reflection and constructive criticism, I realized that there are definitely some things I can work on when it comes to communicating my romantic interest to the opposite sex.
Despite the author’s sometimes annoying humor and tone of her writing, I managed to extract some valuable information from the book. In chapter nine, McMillan says the reason why you’re not married yet is because “you’re a dude.” She makes some excellent points on how the current culture encourages women to be strong and independent, leaving men as an option or an accessory. McMillan says to counteract this attitude; a woman needs to tap into her feminine energy since heterosexual men are attracted to feminine women. There’s nothing wrong with wanting your own and supporting yourself; however, if a woman is looking to enter into a long term relationship or marriage with a man, she needs to learn that a man wants to feel needed and appreciated.
Another interesting point that McMillan makes is that you’re not married yet because you’re too selfish. A woman needs to understand that marriage essentially means living and sharing a space with another person; thus, you must factor in that persons’ comfort along with your own. This is something I’ve been pondering lately and frankly, it’s the number one reason I’m not actively searching for a mate. I’ll be honest; my desire to travel is top priority right now and while one can make the argument that I should find someone with a similar desire, I know the life I lead would not mesh well with a large segment of eligible suitors. So, I will remain faithful to my first love which is my passport :)
The biggest take away from the book is that you need to love and embrace yourself before entering a marriage. A woman must seriously evaluate her life and during this assessment, she should make any necessary improvements to bring out her best self. Furthermore, McMillan makes a very valid point, that marriage is a partnership, not a completion; thus, a woman should be comfortable with herself and the life she has before searching for someone else.
In the end, “Why You’re Not Married Yet” is a quick, witty and interesting read for women who desire to get married. Although some points of the book may be overly simplistic and a tad redundant, try and read this book with an open mind and focus on the parts of the book that are most beneficial to you.
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