Book Review: Why You’re Not Married Yet...The Straight Talk You Need to Get the Relationship You Deserve

Background: Author Tracy McMillan wrote this book as a follow up to her popular, yet controversial article by the same title that appeared on the Huffington Post last year (click here for the original article).  Despite the praise and criticism the article received, one thing was for certain that many people were interested in what she had to say; thus, she detailed her original six reasons and added four additional reasons to explain the reason why you may not be married yet.

According to McMillan, this book “isn’t so much about getting a husband as it is about shifting your perspective on being a wife.”

 My Thoughts:

 Nothing brings out more animosity in women than hearing why they’re single (okay, maybe weight).  Many women will bemoan the fact that they do everything right, yet still find themselves kissing frog and after frog with the elusive Prince Charming nowhere in sight. I understand this sentiment; hell, I used to think just like this. But after some deep reflection and constructive criticism, I realized that there are definitely some things I can work on when it comes to communicating my romantic interest to the opposite sex.

Despite the author’s sometimes annoying humor and tone of her writing, I managed to extract some valuable information from the book. In chapter nine, McMillan says the reason why you’re not married yet is because “you’re a dude.” She makes some excellent points on how the current culture encourages women to be strong and independent, leaving men as an option or an accessory. McMillan says to counteract this attitude; a woman needs to tap into her feminine energy since heterosexual men are attracted to feminine women. There’s nothing wrong with wanting your own and supporting yourself; however, if a woman is looking to enter into a long term relationship or marriage with a man, she needs to learn that a man wants to feel needed and appreciated.

Another interesting point that McMillan makes is that you’re not married yet because you’re too selfish.  A woman needs to understand that marriage essentially means living and sharing a space with another person; thus, you must factor in that persons’ comfort along with your own.  This is something I’ve been pondering lately and frankly, it’s the number one reason I’m not actively searching for a mate.  I’ll be honest; my desire to travel is top priority right now and while one can make the argument that I should find someone with a similar desire, I know the life I lead would not mesh well with a large segment of eligible suitors. So, I will remain faithful to my first love which is my passport :)

The biggest take away from the book is that you need to love and embrace yourself before entering a marriage.  A woman must seriously evaluate her life and during this assessment, she should make any necessary improvements to bring out her best self.  Furthermore, McMillan makes a very valid point, that marriage is a partnership, not a completion; thus, a woman should be comfortable with herself and the life she has before searching for someone else. 

In the end, “Why You’re Not Married Yet” is a quick, witty and interesting read for women who desire to get married.  Although some points of the book may be overly simplistic and a tad redundant, try and read this book with an open mind and focus on the parts of the book that are most beneficial to you. 

Photo Credit: amazon.com

I

Book of the Momment: "Man Down"

One of my ideas for this blog besides writing about adventures and worldwide travels is to write a brief sypnopsis about a book of interest of the moment. As an avid reader and life long patron of public libraries, I will chronicle a book of the moment, hopefully a couple of times a months (depending on how busy I get). So without further ado here is my first "Book of the Momment": Man Down by Dan Abrams...

So after seeing a brief blurb about this book in a past issue of Glamour magazine; then after seeing the author on the Dr. Phil show (my blog = judgment free zone), some fate intervened in my life when the book stumbled upon me at my local public library.

To quickly summarize, the author writes a brief, informative book on how women are better than men in a variety of ways besides the universally well known ( i.e.: bathroom manners, living longer, and higher voter turnout), to current society changes (i.e.: Investors, Hedge Fund managers, and Gamblers). However, the book also discusses how women are better than men when it comes to activities and professions that are typically male dominated even in today's world, some of which I found to be a bit surprising (i.e.: women are better spies, video gamers, and bizarely, competitive eaters). To support his argument, the author supplies various results and statics from research and psychology studies in both controlled and non-controlled environments.

My overall opinion of the book is that it was interesting, easy to read, and a bit thought provoking. I completely agreed with the author on some things; such as how women have a better pain tolerance (childbirth and aunt Flo ring a bell) or how women have a better sense of smell. I found it interesting how Abrams uses various studies and statics to break some long held beliefs, such as, that women actually get over a break up quicker than men (his reasoning is that women turn to their social circle, were as men must remain men and keep their emotions inside...sounds pretty accurate). However, I found somethings to be a bit overkill and even a bit far-fetched in my opinion. In one chapter, Abrams discusses how women get dressed faster than men (even though he supports this argument with only one, brief survey that was conducted by the British pharmacy retailer Superdrug).

I guess my one large qualm about this book is that people will cite various passages and chapters from this book and use it as gospel. I feel as if lately in are society, women have this "I am better or stronger than man," or that women must be literally equal to men when it comes to every and everything which I frankly find a bit disturbing. I am by no means saying I should be treated less than a man when it comes to working, careers, or making large purchases (i.e.: getting hired, promotions, buying a car, home, or even laptop); on the other hand, I don't think that we can change thousands of years of evolutionary biology in a few generations as the media or even your fellow female peers may think. I won't bore you with a myriad of examples; however, Jersey Shore's Snooki comes to mind and all her travails of trying to hook up like one of the guys, only to look like a fool the morning after when she thinks she has finally met "the one," only to slowly realize that she was just a "lady of the late night" for one of her "juicehead" hook-ups (let this be the last time I ever reference that show).

In short, I suggest "Man Down" if you have a free afternoon to spare or as a nice book to read on your morning/afternoon commute.It will make you smile, laugh, and even ponder a bit on how women are not just good...but we're great!!!!